Spiritual progress involves movement toward surrender or letting go, and this corresponds to a shift in the view of self: from being a separate agent to being an inseparable aspect of a unitary process. With that recognition, it becomes clear that security, certainty and control don’t exist and never did. We may feel anxiety as a product of moving into vulnerability and openness, while still carrying a sense of separateness.
At a ridiculously young age, prompted by nothing I can trace, I am haunted by my own mortality. I lie gripped by one downward-spiralling idea: As sure as I am lying here right now, the time will come when I no longer exist. There is no bottom to this prospect. The emptiness at the heart of this realisation is all-consuming.